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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

and his name is murphy

Have you ever had one of those days?

Wait.  Don't answer that.  I know you have.

You feel like a black cloud is following you around, and you're just sure that you are being persecuted for some past life event that you aren't even aware of.

You lock your keys in your car like a moron, as you are rushing to the most important of meetings -- job interview, private school interview, or seeing your ex-boyfriend who's in town for business and you really want to see how good he looks with an additional 20+ years, 2 kids and dyspepsia, not to mention display how awesome you are looking nowadays -- see what you missed, asshole.

Or, perhaps you've encountered the money hell day, when the noise the car's been making, which really didn't seem like a big deal because it is still getting you where you need to go, but you have it checked out "just in case", turns into a thousand dollar extravaganza.  Then, simultaneously, you get a bill from the doctor much larger than you thought because your insurance didn't cover it (even though when you called, they said they would) and you know what fighting that city hall is like... Culminating in the very unpleasant realization that your property tax is due, like NOW, and since it's been sitting on the bottom of the bill pile for oh-so-long, you thought maybe elves would make it disappear.

I've had too many of those charmers.

And then there is the equipment trifecta, where the dishwasher conspires with the garage opener, who tells his pal the toilet (or insert any other necessary appliance here) to mutiny.  Usually said mutiny occurs at just the most inopportune time -- you're having the boss for dinner, your kids birthday party is about to get underway (and the picture of squatting people using your backyard as nature's toilet is just too scary to think about, especially when you have trouble keeping up with the dog's leftovers) or you are facing the week from hell with not a moment of time available to wait for a service call.

Or the grand finale: no matter how long you wait for that very important phone call, it always occurs when you are on the toilet. (Which explains, I think, the ingenious phenomenon of hotels having phones in the bathroom, but that's another story.)

You get the picture.  There are many models of the same sort of scenario and all of them suck.

And then it strikes you  -- that ole Murphy's Law.  Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  It's true.  It's like magic.  Everyone knows it, believes it, acknowledges it.

Which led me to this: why, then, isn't good ole Murphy God?  Why aren't we heading into houses of worship to pray to him?  I mean, Murphy shows up every day.  Around the world, everyone knows he's real.  We don't need all those different religions getting all proprietary over their God.  We have Murphy, he's our man!  I declare the new worldwide religion - Murphyism.

Think about it.

How many wars would never again be fought and how many lives would be saved?


  1. It's not that I know Murphy, but that he knows me, that's the real issue...

  2. and the truth is: Murphy is an optimist!